As the pressures and commercial sentiments of the holiday season start, the memories of those loved ones no longer here to share and create memories can be almost unbearable.

Recently, St. Tammany Hospital offered a grief counseling session on how to get through the holidays.

Jean Thibodeaux, LCSW, of Hospice of St. Tammany, had the following suggestions for those who have lost a loved one in the past year: • Drop before you shop—get several of the same gifts for most people on list, an inspirational book or holiday CD, for example.

• Keep tissue handy and don’t be afraid to be sad or shed a few tears.

• Encourage others to remember your loved one instead of pushing memories back. Share favorite stories, pictures and mementos; cry together.

• Be patient with yourself, put yourself first, take time to adjust.

• Break with tradition, start new ones.

• Make a list of what needs to be done so you don’t forget.

• Take control; make a to do list and don’t do list.

• Listen to yourself; if you need help, tell loved ones what they can do to help you.

• Share your love; give a gift to someone who may not get one this year.

• Take time for yourself; set priorities, decide what is really meaningful to you.

• Make a gift of memories; write down your favorite memories, make a scrapbook.

• Just say no. If it’s too difficult to go to a party, don’t go. Decide for yourself what invitations to accept or decline.

• Hold on your wallet. Don’t try to buy your grief away with extravagant gifts.

• Be gracious to others that grieve. Respect and honor how others are grieving.

• Involve the children in special tasks. Remember they are hurting also. Help them express their feelings through a special activity.

• Treat yourself to something special you enjoy. Be kind and gentle with yourself.

• Share your holiday. Instead of being alone, volunteer, visit a nursing home, and collect food or toys for the needy.

•Take care of your physical body. Take walks, drink plenty of water eat healthy food.

• Honor your loved one. Don’t try to forget. Share memories, celebrate their live, don’t dwell on the loss.

Make changes. Instead of preparing dinner for twelve, move the festivity to another house, come up with a new tradition, or even take a trip this year. Don’t feel you need to continue traditions as though nothing has happened.

Plan ahead and accept your limitations. Grief can consume a lot of energy. Don’t feel pressured to do everything you have done in the past. Re-evaluate priorities.

Allow the people who care about you to help you through the holidays. Accept help in doing routine, mundane things like cleaning and cooking and go shopping with a friend.

Give yourself permission to have breathing space and use the grieving process to heal.

Thibodeaux said that there are things that one can do to make this holiday season different. For example, give a special to someone in memory of your loved one, either a person or an organization that needs help. Start a new tradition. Give yourself a special gift. Do something different with pictures and albums.

A special calendar offering suggestions of things to do each day were distributed at the grief session. Some of the activities include buying a poinsettia and give it to a friend; display family photos of past holidays; hang wreath and stockings in a different place then in the past; read an inspirational story; plan a holiday menu with some changes; and thing of something for which you are thankful.

Other ideas include focusing on others less fortunate, for example, buying them a holiday gift. You can also reach out to someone else that has lost a loved one.

Spend Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with family or friends. On New Year’s Eve, promise yourself you will take 2010 one day at a time. New Year’s Day, focus on one good thing you are looking forward to.

The calendar ends Jan. 2, which states, “Get ready for King Cake.”

Most of all, when you have lost a loved one, take care of yourself. St. Tammany Parish Hospital Hospice offers the following suggestions:

Although the holidays can be challenging, they can be a positive healing experience with your loved ones. For more information, contact Hospice of St. Tammany at 871-5976.