Here are some regular words, with some clever definitions:
• Arbitrator: A cook who leaves Arby’s to work at McDonald’s.
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• Bernadette: The act of torching a mortgage.
• Burglarize: What a crook sees with.
• Control: A short, ugly inmate.
• Counterfeiters: Workers who put together kitchen cabinets.
• Eclipse: What an English barber does for a living.
• Eyedropper: A clumsy ophthalmologist.
• Heroes: What a guy in a boat does.
• Left Bank: What the robber did when his bag was full of loot.
• Misty: How golfers create divots.
• Paradox: Two physicians.
• Parasites: What you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower.
• Relief: What trees do in the spring.
• Rubberneck: What you do to relax your wife.
• Selfish: What the owner of a seafood market does.
• Sudafed: Brought litigation against a government official.
• Subdued: Like a guy, like works on one of those, like, submarines, man!
Hear about the local hardware store owner who is said to have a cure for arthritis? One day, locals saw a little old lady bent over on her walking cane, enter the store for a visit. A little while later she came out walking almost perfectly straight, with her head held high.
The crowd cheered, “It’s a miracle! What did he do?”
“He sold me a longer cane,” she replied.
The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money.
— Mark Twain
Terry Maddox is publisher of St. Tammany News.
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